It’s Not My Fault that Mercury is in Retrograde.

As an avid astrology follower, I navigate my life by following two rules: religiously read my daily horoscope, and blame every mistake I make on the fact that I’m a Gemini. Through my extensive research, I have discovered my actions are truly beyond my control. I can be unpredictable, easily distracted and, in some people’s opinion, two-faced. I am a Gemini, so I can hardly be blamed for it.

You see, I haven’t always been this self-aware. In the past, whenever I was running late after sharing some surprisingly unwelcome opinions, or forgetting about plans I had made, I always thought it was my fault. I’d apologize profusely for my oversights and promise to make it up to them, but it seemed like I couldn’t do anything right.

To my delight, my problems were miraculously solved the day I was introduced to astrology. I realized that apologizing for my mistakes was no longer necessary; my astrological sign was the only explanation I needed. 

I now know that my behavior is completely normal, and the stars ensure that I will never change who I am.

Don’t believe in astrology? Initially, I had doubts myself, but now my life has improved astronomically…for the most part. 

Illustration by Alycen Kim

There is one aspect, or person I should say, that has repeatedly reminded me of my shortcomings and, ultimately, prevented me from living to my fullest potential. This friend not only refuses to accept my explanations, but rejects astrology completely. 

I tried to explain that she must trust in the stars to achieve utmost tranquility, but she grew increasingly emotional and proceeded to call out my insensitivity. Typical Cancer. 

Luckily, most of my friends no longer harbor this frustration or resentment toward me; they understand that we must surrender our control and allow the stars to guide us on our path. 

On certain occasions, like last Friday, the stars aligned and gifted spectacular news. Fate shifted in favor as Venus, the planet ruling love, entered Gemini. You may be wondering what this means, but it’s quite simple: Love is in the air. I immediately noticed a shift in my heart when Friday’s horoscope hinted at a possible love interest in my future. 

Of course, I immediately knew it was true. I scoured far and wide for this mysterious person. When the opportunity finally presented itself (in my local grocery store no less) I was mortified to discover this mystery person was a Pisces. I tried to stay calm but immediately sprinted in the opposite direction. 

It’s common knowledge that Geminis and Pisces aren’t compatible, so I knew I shouldn’t take my chances and further that conversation. 

My intuition may have faltered that day, but I know my horoscope would never lead me so astray without reason. With my faith, I know my knowledge of astrology will lead me to my destiny, as long as it’s not with a Virgo.

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