How to Ask Out Your Crush

(A Satirical Guide)

Ask your teacher to sit you next to them

Shoutout to the teachers who take seating chart suggestions into consideration (we’re looking at you, Mrs. Mindicino). Added bonus if they assign you to work on a very important project with them. 


Have your moms coordinate a date

“Moms know best” applies to almost everything, even first dates. Next time, ask your moms to schedule the date (snacks and homemade cookies included). 


Send them a meme

Ah, the ultimate icebreaker of our generation: memes. Who cares about roses and chocolates? I’d rather receive a heartfelt, homemade meme.


Take inspiration from Shakespeare

Bring out your inner heart throb with a romantic monologue that would bring Shakespeare to shame. Maybe don’t profess your love to them outside their window at midnight (cough, cough Romeo), but a sappy, passionate speech in the middle of Sea King Park works just as well.


Just ask them

Finally, the best advice of all is to just bite the bullet and ask them. Be direct, be honest, and most of all, be confident. Remember, if it’s meant to be, it’s meant to be.